***May contain spoilers****
-but none that will keep you from enjoying the movie for what it is.
I will never forget where I was when I first experienced Troll 2. This movie holds a place in my heart like no other. A special screening marked one of the first dates I had with my long term boyfriend & it caused him to say, "this was the weirdest thing ever & it was awesome!". It was at my favorite small town theater called Studio 35 (studio35.com) that I moved away from and miss on a regular basis. This movie has grown a cult following & many of the viewers had seen the movie previously. So much so, that I was the odd man out, who didn't know all the dialogue by heart. Troll 2 is by far, the worst movie I have ever seen. The acting, the writing, the editing... there is not one thing in this movie that I can say is "good". And in some weird way, it adds to the charm that is Troll 2. A story about goblins in a town named Nilbog, is that Goblin backwards? And not once is there a reference to Trolls or the fact that it has nothing to do with the "original" movie Troll (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092115/), that is was supposed to ride the coat tails of. This movie went from being a horror film to a comedy in about 1 minute and 30 seconds in. The pushed dialogue and overacting is an art form of it's own. It's obvious that the spanish writer/director left a lot of things lost in translation.
At the beginning of the movie, there is a beautiful man running from goblins in the woods. Sadly, Troll 2 was not this actors break out role, and I don't think he found one afterwards either, and that is at the deepest sadness of my loins. But he is "saved" by a beautiful girl that has drawn on black freckles on her face. Seriously, someone drew freckles on her face and thought a close up frame was a great idea. She didn't really save him, however, she turned him into a plant by making him eat neon green tapioca pudding, but you know, potato, patato. After this heart wrenching scene, the main characters appear. A family who decides to trade houses with a family from Nilbog. And I quote, "It's going to be so great to live like our ancestors did...off the land". Only to arrive at a house with plumbing, electricity, & AC...you know, like the settlers did when they traveled across the midwest with all the modern conveniences.
I think the scariest thing during the whole movie is the unavoidable "crazy eyes" of the mother. They steal every scene. And you know what I'm talking about, the eyes of a girl who says "I love you" on the first date, or talks about her cats like they are children. This sadly, turns out to be true in real life for this actress (something you can find out in a documentary called, Best Worst Movie....highly recommended). One big question I have from the entire movie is, how do 16 year olds boys get an RV? The detachment from pop culture & youth is prevalent through out the entire film with no apologies. The writer/director was ok with saying, "no, I know this is exactly how teenagers talk, even though I'm 50".
The underlining disgust in vegetarianism is also not a mistake. Not quit sure you got that from the film? Watch it again now, knowing that the script was written about vegetarians. I could go on about how the dead grandfather knows a lot about goblins for some reason, or that having sex with a stranger always leads to popcorn, but I won't. I won't even mention that the family is somehow so intuitive, that in the climax, without knowing Joshua was in the house with the goblin queen, they found him anyway. But what I will say is, the message of Troll 2 is clear & honest.....there is nothing a little bologna sandwich can't fix.
But after all these snarky comments and vague descriptions of what is, by far, the worst movie that anyone has ever seen, it changed me from the first time I watched it. I have seen the movie at least a baker's dozen of times. It even opened up my eyes to horrible B & even D horror movies and the joy they can bring to me as a viewer. I found a new way to view these horrible films. I love to bring up Troll 2 and invite conversations with people who have seen it. In a group of 10 people, at least 1 has seen it playing in the 90s on HBO. It's always the same response, "that movie is just so terrible!". And it is, it's truly awful, but that is the beauty that is Troll 2.
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